Because I am often drawn to friendships with older folks and appreciate the wisdom and perspectives they have to offer, my wonderful experience at the Senior Center was no surprise to me. The exercise at the beginning was very heartwarming because we all tried to say nice things about the generation we were not a part of, and said less kind things about our own age groups. But talking about them forced us to challenge them: the seniors wrote down words like “health problems” or “sick” to describe older people, and then questioned it, saying that young people can also be unhealthy. My group members then expressed gratitude for their own health. I, on the other hand, described young people as lazy, and the seniors challenged me by saying “no, that’s what old people are like!” We agreed that anyone can be anything, and particularly that forgetfulness was not a sign of age.
My group included a Mills alumna and a native Wisconsinite, who shared a name with a favorite song of mine. We instantly bonded over that, and I ended up giving her the CD with that song! They all seemed eager to talk to me about my life and share their experiences, and I felt that we were friends by the end. We spent most of our time discussing the book, but also had time to talk about life. One woman expressed that she wished she had waited to have children, and advised me to live my life as myself before taking that step.
And as far as the book, we were all equally annoyed by the characters Molly and Daniel who tried to control Joy’s life without communicating well with her. Ione called them “arrogant little shits,” and I could not agree more. We talked about how sometimes, younger people (or children) feel that they know better than or more than older people, when in fact, they have more experience and wisdom.
I was happy to hear that many people identified with Joy’s character, and we agreed that having her as a main character was a highlight of the book. Hearing the story through her perspective helped to understand why the actions of her kids could seem unfair or frustrating. We also talked about the difference between being alone and being lonely. When Aaron was still alive, though he was distant due to his dementia, Joy was never really alone with him; caretaking gave her a purpose. When she lost him, she felt truly alone. But we agreed that being alone can be wonderful — one of the seniors told me she lives alone in a studio apartment nearby. She reminded me of Joy with her independence.
I asked the seniors which dynamic was their favorite in the book, and shared that mine was the one between Ben and Joy because it reminded me of my relationship with my grandma, who I’ve also lived with.
Coming to Age 