The senior ladies I got to meet were very kind and welcoming. They surprised me because they had a very positive view of younger people. This was unexpected to me, especially given that both of the readings we had just consumed explored how horribly elderly women were treated by their children. Moreover, after some conversation, most of the elderly women at my table revealed that they all could in some way relate to the mistreatment received by the elderly women in both the stories. They talked about how their friends had had similar expectations of being single widowers placed on them by their children, just like Molly and Mama. One of the ladies, Marcia, wondered if we would have changed the assumptions that we had written down on index cards about both young and old people, if the group we were talking with was solely young people or solely old people, instead of a mixture of both.
One stereotype that the women at my table challenged is that old people are not technologically advanced. Marcia had come prepared with an article she had found online about They May Not Mean to But They Do. The Article was by Penelope Lively and one of themes in the story it talked about was the overwhelming guilt felt by the main characters in the story. Penelope wrote about how Joy felt guilty for being a burden whereas the children felt guilty for not being able to help as much. Marcia also was quick to look up Cathline Schine’s age, 67. Our group talked about how it probably would have been very difficult for Cathline to write this book if she was a young adult and trying to write about people twice her age. Moreover, Marcia assisted our conversation about the effects of intersectionality in “My Man Bovanne” by giving us background information on intersectionality. Another thing that Marcia had researched prior to coming to the discussion was the notion that African American grandchildren recently have developed an interest in preserving their heritage, which related to the children in “My Man Bovanne” wanting their mother to take off her wig and show her natural hair. To say the least, Marcia’s use of technology helped contribute a lot to the conversation.
One topic that our group explored was the adult child’s need to control their parent’s life. The elderly women at the table shared how a lot of other old people they knew had children who had an insistent need to control their parent’s life especially when it came to their living situation. This is understandable to me as someone who cares deeply for the safety of their parents. However, I think that if like Molly a parent is perfectly capable they should have autonomy over themselves and where they live. As stated earlier, we then went on to talk about how children expect their elderly parents to be single once their significant other dies. Wendy told our group about how her cousin became very upset with her father when he started seeing someone directly after the death of his wife and never forgave him for it, even after his death. In response our group seemed to collectively agree that the happiness of the widow is more important than the perceived betrayal of the dead significant other. We all tended to empathize with Molly and her desire for a relationship after her husband died, despite her children’s wishes. However, as Wendy said, it can be hard on the younger person, especially when you are actually in that position, of having to not think about your parent moving on as an act of betrayal.
Coming to Age 