I really enjoyed this first discussion at the senior center. Never before have I had such a blatant conversation about aging, and everything that comes with it. I felt like everyone was being very honest and open about their opinions, which I really appreciated; I think it made for a much more interesting discussion than if we had all been trying to water down or sugar coat our opinions.
The women I spoke with were kind and opinionated. I was a bit surprised that there seemed to be more differentiation in opinion between the older women than there was across generations. We all seemed to agree on broader themes. The main things we talked about surrounded the idea of role reversals, specifically older people being “parented” by their own kids. In both stories, there were instances of the children assuming there were certain things that people could or could not do the older they got, and all of us were very frustrated by this theme.
We also talked a lot about different perspectives. Something we all agreed we found very interesting — and really appreciated — about They May Not Mean To, But They Do versus “My Man Bovanne” was the use of the omniscient third person. This allowed us as readers to see every event from both Joy’s view as well as Molly and Daniel’s views. For all of us, this allowed us to have sympathy for all the characters at different moments (or at the very least, see where the characters were coming from even if we didn’t agree).
The disagreements in our group came more into play in terms of the specifics of the stories. We all agreed that there were some complexities about forming a new relationship at an old age (in the case of Joy and Karl) but one woman thought Molly and Daniel were being harsher in their suspicions than they needed to. Also, some people thought the overall tone of They May Not Mean To, But They Do was hopeful and optimistic, while others thought it only got optimistic towards the end.
While our discussion focused mainly on the readings, we branched off to make connections to our own lives every once in a while. We could all speak to times we’ve been embarrassed by our parents, and how even though we tended to empathize more with the older women in the stories those past experiences helped us understand the children’s points of view a little bit better. At one point, I brought up how I thought a lot could be solved from the characters having an honest conversation about their needs and wants. One woman chimed in to say that she agreed but that it’s hard to know when and how to have that conversation. For her, it took her a long time to realize that her mom even possibly needed help. It was fascinating to hear about her perspective, as I have not yet felt the need to have those kinds of discussions with my parents.
Overall, I had a really wonderful time and I can’t wait to go back to meet new people and discuss new readings.
Coming to Age 