When I arrived at the senior center, I was greeted by the kind faces of those who I befriended during the last visit, and I was heartened by how well they remembered not just my name, but small details about me that I’d forgotten even sharing. Before we got to the book, I felt that we had to catch up. I found myself thinking often of those seniors during the month we were apart, and now feel that I’ve gained a few new friends. As I’ve said before, friendships with age gaps are nothing new to me, having grown up in a multigenerational community of musicians who all feel like eccentric extensions of my family, but I come to be more and more moved by the community of seniors in Oakland who are thoughtful, deep-thinking intellectual women who inspire me. Not only that, but they are kind and fun. I can’t wait to see them again. If you’re reading this: hi Carole!
My table definitely had a meaningful discussion about the book, though some of us agreed that it was excessively long and its meaning could have been captured in far fewer pages. Others particularly enjoyed Drabble’s poetic use of language and her inclusions of humor. We talked a lot about the character of Claude, who seemed to have given up in many ways and perhaps held a “god complex” due to his career as a surgeon. And we talked about Fran’s fast pace of life–she reminded me a lot of those at my table, in fact. I pointed out passages when Fran remembers the unhappiness she felt in her youth, which is partly why her dissatisfaction later in life is not so alarming to her. I read this detail as sad, but was challenged by another in my group, who feels that an older age has brought the happiest period of her life, and thought that Fran must have felt relieved, as she does. Fran, like many other women at the time, may have married hastily or too early, and expressed the loneliness and exhaustion that came with child rearing. My group members confirmed this notion and warned me not to plan out my life too carefully, since that could limit potentially life-changing experiences I may have.
We began discussing the characters’ attitudes towards death, and one group member noted that young people probably do not think about death much. I shared something very personal with the group, which is that it’s on my mind all the time and I feel very afraid of it. My group members assured me that it will become less frightening as I get older, which was incredibly reassuring to hear. This is something I have a hard time talking about with those closest to me, yet I was able to speak to these women so comfortably about it. I admitted that my connection with them has alleviated some of that fear, not only because of the advice they have given me, but because I have been so thrilled to see them thriving at an older age. These women are active; they are creators, writers, readers, and thoughtful thinkers. They don’t feel that they’re at the end. “Do you think of yourself as old?” one group member asked the other, who responded “No, not usually,” though they are both in their seventies. And “old” is not a bad thing, but these women reassured me that the child always lives inside of you–just as it does in Fran.
Coming to Age 