Olsen response

By Lila Goehring

“I stop the ironing. What in me demanded that goodness in her? And what was the cost, the cost to her of such goodness?” (Olsen 2)

To me, this passage highlights so much about the complex relationship the narrator has to her daughter, Emily. Particularly, I see this complexity as a contrast between distance and closeness, and about the confusion of roles of power.

 It is clear that the narrator did not trust her instincts as a mother, saying “[Emily] was a child of anxious, not proud, love” (Olsen 7). Yes, she loved her, but her lack of control in her mothering led to an unmendable distance between them: rather than listening to her instincts, for example, she fed Emily by the clock, teaching her that her mother would not come to her rescue in moments of pain; she was forced to soothe herself and mature early on. As the narrator says, “My wisdom came too late,” meaning that she now understands that her actions could have been harmful, and her wisdom is no good to Emily, who was damaged. (Olsen, 7)

In my highlighted passage, the narrator reflects on Emily’s “goodness” but is not too sure where it came from: though she appreciates it, she is conscious that as a young mother, she did not know how to ask (or “demand”) such a thing. It almost seems that she viewed Emily’s goodness as a result of her flawed mothering. In fact, Emily’s actions suggest that she was taking care of her mother from a young age; she sensed that her mother was not able to mother her in a mature, conscious way. One example is the behavior (or, lack of) that this passage refers to: the fact that Emily did not throw tantrums suggests that she was protecting her mother, who she knew would not be able to discipline her properly. One could view Emily’s constant asking to stay home as acting out, yet her motives seemed to be unselfish and protective. Using the excuse “Momma, you look sick” to stay home suggests that Emily is needed to take care of her mother. Additionally, this desire to stay home seems to come from Emily’s need to spend time with her mother, who she has been separated from many times and is desperate to be close to. (Olsen 2)

The highlighted passage also reveals how distant and disconnected Emily’s mother feels from her, something repeatedly seen throughout the story. In the beginning, she is puzzled by the person who comes to her seeking information about Emily, explaining that her nineteen years alive “is all that life that has happened outside of me, beyond me” (Olsen 1). This statement implies that the older Emily gets, the less her mother will know and understand her, rather than the opposite (in which the time would be spent getting to know her). There are many reasons for this, and it does not suggest that she is a “bad mother,” though she certainly feels like one: she had other children and was fighting to keep them above water. Incidentally, she grew apart from Emily and was unable to mother her in the way that she needed. “We were poor and could not afford for her the soil of easy growth,” her mother says. (Olsen 7)

Lastly, the idea of “anxious love” explains a lot about Emily’s life. As her mother’s first child, she had the unique experience of her mother learning to be a mother in raising her; this could explain why “Her younger sister was all that she was not,” among other similar details. (Olsen 7). Emily was forced to grow up quickly and was subject to bouts of separation and painful learning moments, and it is clear that her mother — in her latent wisdom — has a hard time forgiving herself for this.