Author: astclair1290

“Dolly” by Alice Munro, centers around perceptions. Particularly, the narrator’s perceptions of her partner Franklin and of his life before she became a part of it. Dolly, the character also known as Gwen, was a big part of Franklin’s life before the war, and continues to be an abstract fixture in his life because she is the subject of the poem that Franklin is most known for. In this story, one symbol that I found really fascinating are the dusty jars that Gwen/Dolly finds in an upper cupboard, and washes so that they sparkle. I think the jar’s work as a representation of how the narrator perceives herself and Gwen/Dolly, especially the Dolly that exists in memory.

Franklin’s memories of Dolly give the impression that she is (or was) a mystical, magical, “enthralling” person. For example, she believes she can prevent pregnancy by wearing a lock of her dead sister’s hair in a locket, and she gives Franklin a “magic tooth” (243) to keep him safe in the war. The way that the narrator describes these memories of Franklin’s about Dolly, it is clear that the eccentric or supernatural beliefs of Dolly’s have become only more magical with time. If those facets of her personhood were attention grabbing before, now through the transformation of memory, they sparkle and shine like the jars she has washed. Memory often transforms things into better versions of themselves, rose-colored-glasses, as they say. The narrator perceives that Franklin must desire Gwen/Dolly, as if she is the sparkling washed version of the jar. She perceives herself as the old, dusty jars that were important enough to keep, but have long since been forgotten. When the narrator has returned to her home with Franklin, they put the jars away together. She realizes that Franklin has chosen her, and that any perceived notion of desire for Dolly gets put away too.

Admissions in The Liar’s Wife

(this response was, unfortunately, written for the wrong text, which has the same title as the one we were assigned. The author of the text I read and responded to is Samantha Hayes). Ruth gave me permission to post this response even though it was for the wrong text)

            My first sense that Ella is hiding something from herself comes when she finally divulges why she is working so hard to avoid interacting socially with her coworkers. The reason is that she fears revealing details about herself. Specifically, things she isn’t willing to ‘admit’ (page 5 of ebook). The word admit, caught my attention. In this case, it reveals a lot about Ella. She says that conversations away from work would inevitably become personal, and about her. In regards to discussing herself she then says, “And there simply isn’t anything to tell. Not that I’m willing to admit, anyway” (5). This choice of word indicated to me that Ella, undoubtedly, is ashamed of her past. Consider for a moment if admit was replaced with something else, for instance the word ‘share’. If there was nothing Ella was willing to share then the underlying message could be that she is a private person. Perhaps she has a rule not to share personal details with coworkers. But, that is not the case. The word used is admit, which by definition, includes reluctance. It indicated that Ella knows she has done something wrong, something to be ashamed of. I think the choice of the word ‘admit’ serves as possibly the earliest indication that Ella is hiding something not just from her coworkers, but also from herself.

            The idea that Ella is not only hiding from her coworkers, but also from herself, is supported when one considers her chosen method for avoidance. She chooses to be reclusive, to stay home night after night. I found myself asking, why doesn’t she just lie? If she wanted to go out, and it does seem that deep down some tiny part of her would like to be more social with her coworkers, then couldn’t she lie, fib, make something up? This doesn’t even seem to occur to her. I think the reason behind this is because to make up an untruth, internally one must acknowledge that there is a truth that is being covered up. Some people make up lies and disseminate them until their own reality has shifted to accommodate. Ella seems to deal with things differently. It is as if she has decided to completely ignore whatever it is she feels ashamed of. Rather than lie about it and acknowledge it on some level, she appears to conduct herself in such a way that she just pretends her shame doesn’t exist.

I found the visit to the senior center to be enlightening, wholesome and overall a really lovely experience. The senior center itself is housed in a stunning building, which buzzed with life and laughter all the moments I spent in it. The amount of activity, not to mention the diverse selection of activities offered, buck the cultural stereotypes that seniors are boring, bored or otherwise listless and absentminded. The senior center presents a group of sharp and vivacious people eager to utilize their time with expansion of the mind, exercise of the body and building of community.

The discussion at my table during our visit centered a lot on relationships between mothers and daughters. Everyone at the table was/is a daughter, and most of us are also mothers. We spoke about miscommunications that happened between parents and their children. Often, we reflected, a parent accidentally “says” something to their child, even if they don’t actually speak directly to them. For example, one of the women (I can’t remember her name! Next time I will write everyone’s name down) at our table shared that her daughter in the past accused her of fat shaming. She said that she was surprised and appalled to learn her daughter felt that way. If she ever expressed concern, she said, it was for her daughter’s health and she didn’t intend to shame. I related to this because, although my mom has never talked about my weight or how my weight relates to my health, I did witness her talking negatively about her own body often throughout my childhood. Likely my mom was totally unaware of the effect her words about “saddle sacks” and “thunder thighs” and “spare-tire rolls”, were having on me. This conversation in conjunction with They Don’t Mean to But They Do, helped me realize how much goes unsaid, or is assumed about our parents, and elders in general. Molly and Daniel both make assumptions about their parents. It made me wonder, how many misunderstandings happen because we have been accidentally and silently hurt by our parents in our childhood; how much extra work do we do because we are avoiding a conversation? It also occurs to me that people change! We expect growth from children, some strive for it within themselves, but how many of us assume seniors can’t grow or change and so we don’t bring up a topic we feel was already addressed years, or decades ago? My greatest takeaway from our first senior center giveaway is a personal vow to always try and keep lines of communication open between my mom and I, even when it feels scary.

On a completely different note, another thing that has really stuck with me since the visit is how much perspective I gained about labels and terminology. I have always used the world elder to describe people the same age or older than my parents. We had a brief discussion of words like: elder, senior, old-person etc. Nearly everyone at the table said they disliked the word, elder. I was totally surprised! This word was taught to me because my family reveres elders and I’ve always thought of it as a respectful term. Since hearing that most of the women at my discussion table prefer the label of senior, I have been trying to switch up my language and save the term elder for someone I personally know. This way I feel they would know me well enough to understand I use it only with the utmost respect and admiration. This was really enlightening and kind of made me have a slap-yourself-on-the-forehead-with-an-open-palm moment. Labels matter, not because we need to squeeze everyone into a little container, but because using the labels which people feel comfortable with is respectful. And everyone deserves respect.