Author: gcazaux

(Turned in late via SASS accommodations) 

This time around, I looked at our visit to the center with significantly less anxiety. Our first visit had set a lot of my worries to rest, and I was incredibly excited to give it another try. That being said, I was a little nervous about the discussion. I hadn’t connected with The Dark Flood Rises in the same way as I had with They May Not Mean To, But They Do and I was worried that might affect my ability to contribute to the discussion, or my enjoyment of the day. I was pleasantly surprised on both counts. The discussion was compelling, everyone at the table had unique insights, and I enjoyed myself quite a bit. 

I was surprised by some of the turns our conversation took. The book, rather than dominating the discussion as it had with They May Not Mean To, But They Do worked instead as a framework for our conversation, giving us a jumping-off point that led to some genuinely fascinating observations about aging, healthcare, capitalism, and American culture.

While we were discussing Fran and Josephine, one of my senior partners brought up an interesting point regarding how, while other cultures value the elderly for their experience and wisdom, American culture seems more interested in hiding them away or controlling them, viewing them as an inconvenience rather than an asset. This sparked a very interesting conversation about America’s individualistic, ‘every man for himself’ culture that I found incredibly eye-opening when taken in the context of the work we’ve been doing. How much of American ageism comes from the idea that a person’s worth is based on how much they can produce or profit? How has our collective obsession with self-reliance and independence hurt and isolated us, especially those who are most marginalized or vulnerable? Why do we fear the idea of needing others to survive, and so often resent being needed? 

This, of course, led to a really interesting conversation about the capitalist obsession with productivity, profit, and expedience. I was honestly a little surprised that the seniors at our table seemed just as frustrated and disillusioned with the current state of things as I was. This also led to a conversation about wealth, privilege, and the importance of community that I really enjoyed. 

Along with our wonderful discussion on the book, the seniors were kind enough to share very interesting bits of their lives, past and present. One of them even showed us a creative writing piece she was working on about her time in the Peace Corps and told us stories of her time abroad. Getting to know these women on a personal level has been one of my favorite parts of this class. I be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed we only have one senior center visit left.

(Turned in late via SASS accommodations) 

I felt a lot of anxiety at the thought of our first senior center trip. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I think a lot of my anxiety came from the worry that I would say or do the wrong thing and accidentally offend someone. Age is so often treated as something impolite or even taboo to discuss explicitly, so the idea of talking about it with a group of actual seniors made me very stressed. I was honestly terrified while doing the word association exercise because I was worried that if I put anything negative in the senior category the womxn at my table might take it personally and it would ruin the discussion for all of us. Imagine my surprise when every single senior at the table had one or more negative traits associated with age written on their card. As someone who’s queer and nonbinary, I think I was also nervous that someone was going to say something about Molly and Frankie that would make me uncomfortable. There was also some anxiety about how the conversation would go, if all of us would be able to share our ideas in a way that was both accessible and interesting for everyone else at the table.

To say I was pleasantly surprised would be an understatement. The womxn I sat with were incredibly open, kind and welcoming. I felt almost immediately at ease with all of them. It was interesting to me how excited they all were to share with me about themselves, and how genuinely interested they seemed to be in me and my life. They were all obviously happy to be there, and their enthusiasm was contagious. Even before the class officially began I found myself so much more relaxed and excited than I had been just minutes before.

We spent a considerable amount of time on our discussion My Man Bovanne, mostly because it spiraled in so many different ways. We talked about everything from motherhood to sexuality to the concept of intersectionality and the work of the Combahee River Collective. I enjoyed how freely the seniors shared their own personal insights and how excited they were to hear ours. They were so eager to learn more about how we saw the world, and they were incredibly open about their own thoughts, personal and academic. 

Our conversation on They May Not Mean To But They Do, while shorter, was just as compelling. One thing that really interested me was the observation made by one of my group mates that the majority of characters in the book were, in one way or another, driven by their own guilt at the situation and their part in it. We also had a fascinating discussion about the ways in which the expectations that shape our lives are often gendered, and how that affected Molly and Joy throughout the book. We also talked about how the children’s fear of their mother’s sexuality and autonomy was mirrored in both My Man Bovanne and They May Not Mean To But They Do. The senior womxn at my table were kind enough to share their own experiences and the experiences of some of their friends when it came to controlling children and their fears about their parents. I had a genuinely wonderful time, and I can’t wait to do it again.