Author: Maryelin Recinos Valle

One of the most surprising things about this reading was how extremely dark the character Fran has to become older and living longer lives. Throughout the first pages we focus on her, she has multiple times questioned about the purpose and the worth of having a long life. One passage was Fran “exercises herself by trying to recall the passionate and ridiculous emotions of her youth”(15). This particular passage has Fran define these positive emotions as “ridiculous” especially correlating when she was younger, a time which I can assume her was not as pessimistic as she is currently. Not assuming that she resents or having any regret with experiencing these feelings before but it’s her correlation between being young and experiencing some form of feeling these types of emotions. This particular passage really stuck out for me since it is something we don’t expect for people in her age group. This is contradictory to the stereotypical image of people who are older since we expect them to be more reflective and to look back with a sense of nostalgia, and even to want the experience of what it was like being young again. Fran is quite frankly very different from her reflection with being young, especially when thinking about her these types of emotions and mindset when she was younger. She wants to feel like this again but not so much as to relive these emotions but to fake her way to feel. Usually, when we are given a moment of reflection or nostalgia, it has an air of positivity and would bring us some form of joy when we re-think about it. But for Fran, these particular feelings were something she wants to practice feeling again rather being inherently something she can enjoy by just remembering a fond memory. The reason for this “exercise” is because Fran is taking care of her ex-husband Claude and to feel these passionate feelings she had before, she wants to go back to feel this again to get out of this “middle-age” crisis. 

Though Fran is of older age, this crisis refers to her feeling like she is stuck and staying within a routine is making her question what she is doing.. We know that Fran is taking care of her ex-husband, Claude, by cooking and feeding him. I find it odd though that, out of everyone, Fran is the chosen and trusted one to take care of him since her interactions with anything seem cold. In later of the readings Fran clarifies they were married for only four years and the marriage was a loveless and with no emotional connections. The fact Fran is taking care of someone from a hostile, short-lived marriage is very unpredictable and even to say unlike her. Her character seems so cold and distant from feeling certain passions that it is surprising she would be the sole caregiver of her ex-husband. This relationship does have me rethink whether she was stuck in a loveless marriage or that it was part of getting older. I do think she is just afraid of growing old by herself. Though she doesn’t say a lot about herself being with someone, she just reiterates doing something different in her life and to not be stuck in a routine but does little to change that. Just like how she denies that she is imprisoned taking care of Claude but would hate herself about always thinking about food just like Claude. She is not being truthful about her feelings being with another person and leads her to still be stuck in this sort of self-hating because she picked up something she is sharing with her ex-husband. I guess this can be connected to a stereotype with older women is to care and do not want. For the second part, it is about how older women should be fulfilled after accomplishing the “criteria” of a happy life: husband, friends, children, and grandchildren. Fran doesn’t really represent these since she is not fulfilled and actually wants to change things up in her life. I think this is something normal for anyone who wants to do different things and not be stuck in a routine. For Fran, she doesn’t want to just care for her husband and only share one thing with him.

As before, the experience was meaningful and open about the reading and of our personal life. The conversations were continuous and focused on what we feel with what happened in the reading. The best part is when one of the Seniors told stories that are related to the story and are the best giving real-life stories that relate to one of the themes in the stories. In our conversation about the book, we talked about the pessimism in the character’s behavior and the inevitableness of death in the future. We also went into the topics about being alone and how as we get older we want to change things but can mistake as we do so. For the Mills students, how we compare ourselves to our older counterparts such as our parents or our closest older people. Our conversation did go into the concern, even at times obsession, with death. The reading did break a stereotype about how older people are either reflective in a positive way or filled with regret with how they lived their life. The main character, Fran, was such a downer to which many in the group agreed she would degrade even the most positive emotions she experience at an earlier life. One of the Seniors did open about how it can be lonely and the action to change our surroundings can be a challenge. One particular story she shared was about a friend who lived in an area that the friend never lived before, so she didn’t know anyone there and how she can’t meet her because of driving reasons. Another story was about a couple of her friends who went to a town in Mexico. The issue was that the friends did know how to speak Spanish and in the town, they were staying in was filled with people like them. The issue was they were now stuck in a place they could not speak the language and they did not go to places outside of town. This story points out how when we get to a certain age we want to do a big change in our lives. These stories exemplify how sometimes the drastic changes we take, especially if done without some forethought what would happen if done, can get us stuck somewhere we don’t want to be in. Another topic we talked about did focus on us Mills students and our counters with people in the older age group. For my say, I don’t have people who are of that age group. Just this moment I realized I do know someone from that age group. Hopefully, I remember it for the next meeting. But besides that, I do know those around me (aunts, uncles, and mother) have an extrovert outlook in life. An example is my mother, who, because of her age, expected to stay inside of the house than go out but is very opposite. I believe even when she is older she will be more active than stereotyped usually.

In the Senior Center, I did still have stereotypes about how we will talk about the two readings and what we will focus on. I was worried about how I would communicate my ideas and how we would be sharing our ideas as in pairs or in groups since we were two age groups filled with negative stereotypes. Actually sitting with a group did help give some ease about how we will be communicating. However, I was still worried about how I will put my idea out and keep the conversation going about the readings. Once we did start talking it went very smoothly and I did feel comfortable sharing my ideas. I did enjoy the ideas we shared and how we didn’t get bored or died down. One of the topics we later talked about was sexual activity and developing romantic or sexual relationships. There is a sort of taboo with being an older woman or man that you are not expected to have any sexual or romantic relationship, especially after losing a loved one one. One particular story was about a male relative who was a widower. He had dated many women before and his dates were never accepted by his children. This story helped me realize that there is a purity stereotype with being old: having no sexual need or to be looking for romantic relationships.The most surprising thing for me was the openness about how there is sexual repression and lack of sexual protection at an old age. Most of the push of the suppression is coming from their children or relatives since there is a “purity” thing about being of older age or to not be dating. With the stereotype of being pure, then there is no precaution or warning for using protection. One thing that I found out was an issue is how there is a spike of STDs in retirement or care homes because condoms or any sexual protection is not provided. This stereotype is causing a real tangible harm to a age group, it’s terrifying. Another insight is when we talked about how there is a dependence on others like love ones since, as we get older, we need help with some physical labor. Yet there is this double edged sword where there is a need for help from others but not to be coddled or infantilized by those who are caring for them. From our disscussion, there is more than what is seen in the surface. It’s not just about differences of age or being in relationships, its engrained in families and those around us. The stereotypes like not being sexual has real consequences and dangers to the age group. I learned that the whole age difference and stereotyping is completely unnecessary, even that it is harmful to the age group.